5 People You'd Like To Be Kidnapped By (For Very Important Reasons That Only You Can Solve) And Go on A Wild Car Ride Through The Desert Causing Mischief With, And Even Though It Might Be Scary For The First 18 Minutes, It All Turns Out OK And A Fun Time Is Had By All.
1. zortified. 'Cause you know there'd be nekkid men and philosophy involved.
2. The Doctor (mark vii) and Ace. Time travel! Exploding deodorant cans! Cute alien with inexplicable Scots accent and a penchant for purposely mixing his idioms! Cute wannabe rough!girl whose sekrit shame is that her real name is Dorothy, but who isn't afraid to wear Blue Peter badges on her jacket! And as long as I'm not Ace's male love interest, there's a fairly good chance I won't either die or turn evil.
3. Chance Harper (DB Sweeney) from Strange Luck. He's hot, sweet, puppy-faced, and if I stick close enough, hopefully his amazing powers of good luck will protect me from falling satellites, enraged truckers, or whatever else we might encounter in The Desert
4. Joss Whedon. We'd be out in The Desert
5. The idiot who decided to teach impressionable young grocery baggers that "Paper or Plastic" is a question that should be avoided on pain of death, and that the default answer to the Question That Dares Not Speak Its Name is 'plastic.'
Topics to be discussed on our cross desert spree would include:
"A six pack of 24 oz soda bottles that comes with a built-in handle does NOT need to be put in its own plastic bag"
"Rolling one's eyes is not an acceptable response to 'Could I please have that in paper' after the bagger has shoved the customer's purchases into a plastic bag while the customer was distracted by answering the cashier's question"
"Why 'Uh...we don't got paper...'is not an acceptable answer at any time."
After which I suspect I would kick him out of the car and leave him for the coyotes.