Which I say only because I don't *have* to. Meh.
The Zeppo (I didn't get home in time to see whatever ep came before, but have on tape):
Can Xander be my boyfriend? (Inserts "yes, dear, I know he isn't real" for anybody who thinks I might be even more delusional than my family history would tend to indicate.) My love for Xander now knows no bounds. Plus, of course, nekkidness, and the knowledge that he likes to cuddle after sex. And that scene in the boiler room? Hedging his bets, on the edge, utterly crazy Xander is *so* fucking sexy. "I like the quiet." Want his smile.
Tabula Rasa: Eep, sad ending, yes. Let's get that out of the way.
But... But... Randy... The suit. The hat! The hat. Never again, it must be burned, I must never see either earflap of it again -- but once? Hilarious. And..... "You're not too old for me to take you over my knee...." Bwhahahahahahahaahaahaahaahahahahaahahaa
Ahem. Visions. I, of course, was the only one yelling "Do it! Do it! Do it *now*!" Plus, huggage. Awwwww. Low Xanderquotient, but nice. He was all brave and stuff. And Buffy and Dawn were cute.
Bunnies! Bunnies! I am officially an Anya/Giles shipper now. Er, yes, in the sense that I want Anya to go be with Giles so that brokenhearted Xander can discover the wonder that is brokenhearted Spike. But also in the "God, they're just so cute together" sense. I wish we could write Anya better; then she'd get a bit more screentime in DP, with Giles. Though there *is* that unwritten ep where she's running the camera...
Sniff. I love Tara, I really do. She'd better stay, or I'll be pissy. (And of course we know just how much the world and Joss pays attention to the pissiness of one chick from Indiana, don't we. Sigh.)
In general, I screamed and squealed more times during this ep than I did when I decided Spike was copping a feel in the "This is gonna be worth it" scene in "Weight of the World."
I watched. I was prejudiced from the beginning, granted, but I was prepared to give it a chance.
*Bangs head against desk*
Just. Don't. Get.
Okay, eye candy. Pretty Clark, strangely attractive Lex. But Clark is *too* pretty. He's like all bad S/X writers' fanon Xanders combined. Breathe on him, and he breaks. Too easy, Lex. Not a remote challenge, except that he seems so relentlessly heterosexual that Lex could strip nekkid in front of him and do the hula, and he'd just be worried that somebody had slipped his friend a mickey.
I realize this was not a slashy ep, except possibly the "I'm corrupting him" aspect of getting Clark to ask out another guy's gal. (And I'm impressed that they didn't paint Whitney as an asshole, as would be so easy to do with the Object-of-Affection's Significant Other.) This ep focused more on A) Clark likes Lana, Lana dates Whitney, and Chloe obviously has a thing for Clark, and is playing the stalwart Girl Friday, and B) Lex has plans for Clark, which include fucking with his family.
I can see the slash on Lex's part. I'm willing to buy that other eps have shown more tension on Clark's.
But. I just. Don't care.
Because *aside* from the eye candy, I saw nothing. The high school parts of it weren't funny. The family parts of it weren't funny, and the angst didn't feel well-written enough for me to care about the Kents beyond the fact that Pa is Bo Duke in disguise, and *him* I'd tune in to watch if he were screwing his motorcycle. (Jonathan/Lex? That's a possibility. ) But not to watch him play Pa Kent. The relationship stuff was... It was Seventh Heaven, in its first season, and not as amusing.
The entire story was watchable, over WWF or an informercial, but vaguely boring.
I think I may basically be saying "Joss didn't write it" -- but there are other writers who can do not-banal humor, too, and none of them seem to have worked on this ep of Smallville.
Not planning on further Smallville-bashing, if indeed that was bashing. Just stating for the record: Don't. Get.
Psycho Beach Party (BBV *did* have it!):
Okay, I changed my mind. Can Starcat be my boyfriend? (Chicklet. Starcat. Kanaka. Heeeee. Maybe it's only because I've seen the original Gidget film in the last few years.) I want to tie him up and make him eat ice cream sandwiches for me. And describe blowjobs to his heart's content. I won't run away. Or better yet, Starcat and Xander. Nick could play Xander, and Kelly could fill in as Starcat, and it wouldn't be twincestuous, since the characters aren't brothers...
Yes, if I can get the damn thing to dub, I'm bringing it to Georgia with me. (Machines weren't set up right last night, and I ended up with 2 hours of Michael Jackson -- on stage with N'Sync, and help me please -- and Letterman, instead of half-nekkid wet men who wrestle in the sand and surf.)
We now return you to your regularly scheduled.