subtitle: Slash Rant Version 2,000,003.5, the Mostly Polite Edition
Dear people who don't prefer slash: You are not martyrs, you are not a minority, you are not victims. You need not quake in fear of the slash-loving hordes.
YOU WILL NOT BE FLAMED FOR SAYING YOU DON'T LIKE SLASH.
You will be argued with if you feel compelled to list your reasons for not liking slash and one of them happens to be something that feels insulting to slash writers/readers or implies that they are somehow lesser for liking it. No matter how many open disclaimers of YMMV or "This only applies to me, not you" that you may make, we are capable of reading the things that all of your words imply. We're smart that way.
YOU WILL NOT BE CALLED HOMOPHOBIC IF YOU SAY THAT YOU DON'T LIKE SLASH.
You will only be suspected of homophobia if one of your listed reasons for not liking slash ... wait for it ... sounds homophobic.
NO ONE WILL THINK YOU'RE NOT COOL ANYMORE.
No one anywhere is or has been saying it's cooler to be a slasher than not. Except the people accusing slashers of saying it. Methinks people are having difficulty telling the difference between "Some people I used to think were cool are writing slash now" and "Therefore if I don't write slash I'm not cool."
NO ONE THINKS YOU'RE OUT TO STOP SLASH FROM EXISTING JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
You will only be suspected of having an anti-slash agenda, instead of just a preference, if you feel the need to bring up the fact that you don't like slash at Every Available Opportunity, or you shout to the heavens that slash is Taking Over The Fandom, woe, woe, the sky is falling.
NO ONE THINKS YOU'RE AN ASSHAT FOR NOT LIKING OUR GENRE/PAIRING/CHARACTER.
You will only be considered to be acting like an asshat if (for instance) you can't keep your dislike of a particular slash pairing in the reasonable circle of not reading it instead of the fucking annoying circle of commenting on every post you see that mentions that pairing -- including stories about it -- to say how much you hate it, and how much you'd like to see one of the members murder the other. We know you think it's funny. It's not.
NO ONE CARES IF YOU HAVE GAY FRIENDS.
We've been there and done that. We all have gay friends. Some of us are gay, or bi. Your RL gay friends/uncles/mothers have jack-all to do with expressing a prejudice towards/against fiction that has various characters participating in gay relationships. Your RL gay friends are not the authority on whether that fiction accurately/fairly/attractively depicts The Gay ExperienceTM either.
You may be gay or bi, and that doesn't make you the authority on The Gay Experience, or make you immune from others observing that some of your language/attitudes/behavior seem homophobic/heterocentric/just plain wrongheaded. You may also be straight as a ruler, never have met any Actual Gay People and not be remotely interested in slash, and be a perfectly nice, intelligent person.
Thank you and good night.