An Open Letter To Stuff

Dear My Neck: Please to be re-aligning? Please? Will give you heating pad if you at least promise to fix pulled muscle that makes even attempting to align you hurt like a mofo.

Dear My Heating Pad: Please to be being where I think I put you last, because I am tired and do not want to tear up the house looking for you.

Dear My Bed: Please to be not catching on fire from heating pad if I happen to fall asleep before turning it off, k?

Dear My Orange Mew Kitty: Please to be staying just the way you are. Bestest under-desk toe warmer ever. Wish you could come to work with me. love, Mommy.

Dear My Brain: Please to be coming home! All is forgiven! Shall kill fatted calf (or at least buy lactose-free ice cream) and everything!