Francine - harvest
I Blame the Dutch mpoetess
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Didn't Happen*: A Play In Two Acts

Act 1:

[interior of Game StopTM, a used video game and dvd shop]

[Female] Manager: Hey, that's supposed to be mine!

mpoetess, handing Queer As Folk Season 2 box set to cashier: Uh...? Nuh-uh. Mine!

Manager [clearly joking, sorta] : I was saving that for me! Mine.

mpoetess [feeling vaguely guilty, also happy there's somebody else in the neighborhood who would like QAF]: Nope. Mine. All mine. [Swipes check-card.]

Manager: That was my show. Until we finally gave up forking out the monthly bill for Showtime.

mpoetess [still somewhat guilty] : We don't have Showtime, but I know so many people who are into QAF in great detail, that I knew I'd have to invest in the dvds eventually. Just not new, because that's too much of an investment.

Manager: I loved that Michael. He's so cute!

mpoetess: [voiceover] Aww, Michael love!

Manager: And Melanie. And... that little blond kid. What's his name?

mpoetess: [voiceover] What the shit is this??? [Aloud] Justin?

Manager: Yeah, that's it. Justin. He was one firecracker of a boy. Um, young man, I guess I should say.

mpoetess: [voiceover] Oh no, I don't think so. Your show? My show. I may have only seen one season, but at least I can name all the characters, beeyotch. My dvds. I win. You lose. You go away. You go away and you die don't touch my dvds now. [Is silent.]

Manager: Well, ok, but the only way you can have them is if you promise to watch them and then bring them back!

mpoetess: [voiceover] Bitch, please! [Aloud] Uh.... yeah.

Manager: Well, it was worth a try.

mpoetess: One does not watch the naked gay men and then return them. One collects the naked gay men and retains them.

Manager: True, true, but obviously somebody returned the naked gay men, or they wouldn't be here.

mpoetess: In an obvious act of insanity, which clearly we would not want to compound. [Signs credit slip.]

Act 2:

[Interior of mpoetess and maeyan's car.]

mpoetess: Her show? Her show? I don't think so!

maeyan: [Doesn't care.] Uh-huh.

mpoetess: She couldn't remember Justin's name. Clearly the woman has no concept of what the phrase my show means. I mean, I couldn't claim it as my show, but even I can name all the main characters!

maeyan: [Continues not to care]

mpoetess: There's Brian and Justin and Michael, and Debbie, and Uncle Vic, and Ted and Emmett, and Melanie and... um... and Gus! Gus is the baby! Um. And I'm completely blanking on Gus' mother. Shit. [Voiceover] Oh noooo! If I cannot remember, I will not be the winner!

maeyan: [Still with the not caring] Uh huh. I know two of the characters. Uncle Vic, and Gus. Because you just said them and those are the only two I remember from the list.

mpoetess: And Daphne! She's Justin's best girl friend. [voiceover] Why can I not think of the other lesbian? I must, for I must not be the loser! [Aloud] Why can I not think of the other lesbian? I must, for I must not be the loser! I could cheat and look at the box, but then I'd be, y'know. The loser. [Reaches for dvd box anyway, since we're stuck in the McDonald's drive thru. Voiceover--] It can be shortened. Brian shortens it. No, not Mel, stupid. The other one. Umumumumumumumumum... Linds! [Sits back. Does not touch box.] Lindsey! Lindsey! I remembered, so I am the Winnarrr! My dvds!

maeyan: [Thinks I'm crazy, pays for food at drive thru window] You'd think you'd remember, what with it being so much like that one guy on Angel. Um...

mpoetess: Lindsey?

maeyan: Yeah. Him.

mpoetess: Shut up. I am The Winnnnar. My dvds. Shut up.

The End

*The title stems from the fact that this entire scenario obviously never occurred. Because That Would Be Wrong. TM *fondles dvd box*


(Deleted comment)


2004-11-09 06:14 pm (UTC) (Link)

Naked. Gay. Men.

Not that this happened, of course.

Naked. Gay. Men.


2004-11-09 06:23 pm (UTC) (Link)

The post was funny and I was going to comment. Then I saw this comment's pretty icon and Naked. Gay. Men. Now, I just think that should be our battle cry.

*cops a feel of your dvd box*

(Deleted comment)
Re: Naked. Gay. Men. - bunnyohare, 2004-11-09 07:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)


2004-11-09 06:14 pm (UTC) (Link)

Sometimes, I just want to squish you until you're pudding. Because you're just that cute.


2004-11-09 06:33 pm (UTC) (Link)

I am strange, and of pudding.

*Hugs you tightest*


2004-11-09 06:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

*squish* *squish* *SQUISH*


Mmmmm. Poetess flavored pudding is my most favorite!

Thank you.


2004-11-09 06:28 pm (UTC) (Link)

And this is why I love you.


2004-11-10 09:07 am (UTC) (Link)

And here I thought it was for the nonstop sex!


2004-11-10 09:15 am (UTC) (Link)

That goes without saying.


2004-11-09 06:44 pm (UTC) (Link)


YES! Her show indeed! Obviously it's a good thing you rescued</i> didn't rescue the DVDs from her clutches because she did not deserve to have them! You saved the DVDs from somebody who can't even remember the main characters names!

Also! [voiceover] Why can I not think of the other lesbian? I must, for I must not be the loser! [Aloud] Why can I not think of the other lesbian? I must, for I must not be the loser!

HEE! Thinking and saying! *loves*


2004-11-09 06:44 pm (UTC) (Link)

I can't close tags!!

I am the real loser.


2004-11-10 09:08 am (UTC) (Link)

You lost your </s>!


2004-11-10 09:10 am (UTC) (Link)

I know! *puts an ad out in the papers* *offers two dollar reward*

(no subject) - vampyreangel, 2004-11-18 10:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)


2004-11-09 07:37 pm (UTC) (Link)

You? Are adorable.


2004-11-10 09:13 am (UTC) (Link)

I agree! rubywisp is the adorableest!


2004-11-10 09:09 am (UTC) (Link)

Whew! Lucky for Jon Stewart that it didn't!


2004-11-09 07:41 pm (UTC) (Link)

::giggles madly::


2004-11-10 09:09 am (UTC) (Link)

*points at icon*

Ted! Emmett! Ted! Emmett!


2004-11-09 08:38 pm (UTC) (Link)

[boops your nose]


2004-11-10 09:10 am (UTC) (Link)


I don't think my Sinulator has that button.


2004-11-10 01:05 am (UTC) (Link)

Whee! I think this was my favorite moment in the play which did Not Take Place:

[voiceover] Why can I not think of the other lesbian? I must, for I must not be the loser! [Aloud] Why can I not think of the other lesbian? I must, for I must not be the loser!

From your mind to your lip -- it's like you're allllll in touch with your inner Cordelia. :D

Psst...glad you got the DVDs!


2004-11-10 01:06 am (UTC) (Link)

Uh, yeah. Lips. 8)

I should never actually comment on LJ entries that I read at 4am. **sighs**


2004-11-10 09:05 am (UTC) (Link)

I might have actually said "The other dyke" and then gone off into a two minute monologue about don't look at me funny, I know I rarely use the word, but the show itself has imprinted them in my vocabulary as The DykesTM so it's not my fault and you don't remotely care, do you... (To which maeyan might have said "No, really. I'm listening. My foot just hurts. The look of pain on my face is not boredom," or some variation thereon. If any of this had actually happened.


2004-11-10 03:32 am (UTC) (Link)

Heeee. How the hell is it she remembers Melanie, but not Justin? What is up with that?


2004-11-10 09:07 am (UTC) (Link)

I know not. I mean, Mel is a memorable character, but screentime-wise? How do you forget one of the two main plot-arcs in the show?

(Deleted comment)


2004-11-10 09:11 am (UTC) (Link)

Nope. I would never try to slay anyone. Because That Would Be Wrong.


2004-11-18 10:17 pm (UTC) (Link)

oh i don't know Buffy and Angel did enough of that and it didn't look wrong... it look perfectly damn sexy even if they ended up covered in ashes fine to me