APOTCB!Spike: Now look what you did! You broke him! Xander, get up off the floor. Xander...
APOTCB!Spike: [grumbling, sounds of flesh smacking flesh]
APOTCB!Xander: Is that [heeheeheehohee] supposed to make me able to concentrate better?
APOTCB!Spike: Well, you're managing complete sentences.
APOTCB!Xander: Heehaheehee... Sorry, but she said.... heeeeee... explain.... Man, I can't even diagram it.
APOTCB!Spike: We all live together in a little crooked house.
APOTCB!Xander: Well, yeah, when you put it like that. But you know. Sometimes Riley has sex with Graham, and sometimes he has sex with Buffy. And Willow still says she's gay but sometimes she has sex with Giles. And us. And sometimes you go to LA and have sex with Angel and I pretend I'm not jealous.
APOTCB!Spike: I do no-- You do?
APOTCB!Xander: Um, no. I don't. You don't?
APOTCB!Spike: Nah, that's just to make you jealous; mostly we play pool. If I had sex with Angel I'd do it here, where people can protect me if he decides to spank me.
APOTCB!Xander: Has anyone ever protected you from getting spanked by Angel?
APOTCB!Spike: Well, no, but at least here there's a chance; Riley might do it someday, just on the 'I hate Angel' principle.
APOTCB!Xander: He hates you more.
APOTCB!Spike: Not since I told him how to get that kink out of Buffy's back. Now he only hates me when he's awake. He actually hates Angel 24/7; I've heard him talking in his sleep.
APOTCB!Xander: That would be the first time in human history that you have ever encouraged someone to get rid of a kink. And when did you hear Riley talking in his sleep? You had sex with Riley? When? I mean, outside of the Saturday Night Poker Orgy?
APOTCB!Spike: Er. When you were in Cleveland?
APOTCB!Xander: I was never in Cleveland.
APOTCB!Xander: [Sound of wood smacking flesh.] Liar. You never slept with Riley; he wouldn't let you in the same room with him while he was asleep. Not after that thing with the molasses.
APOTCB!Spike: [Patently fake noises of pain.] Hey, Dawn dared me to do the molasses thing. I am not responsible for--
APOTCB!Xander: Withstanding the taunting of a teenage girl who we don't even let out of her room when there's a chance she might actually see sex or naked people, which is pretty much always? As a matter of fact, when's the last time you actually saw Dawn, Spike?
APOTCB!Spike: Er. 'Bout three years ago?
APOTCB!Xander: Hmm. Come to think of it, isn't she like, 21 now, or so?
APOTCB!Spike: Sounds about right. Think we should let her out, then?
APOTCB!Dawn: [from offstage] Don't worry about it, guys. I've been sneaking out the window since I was sixteen. Plus I can see pretty much the whole house with my hidden camera system.
APOTCB!Xander: So in conclusion, Spike and I are going to have very loud, messy sex now, in order to forget that we ever heard that.
APOTCB!Dawn: Ok, but could you move a little to the left? That coatrack is blocking the shot a bit.