I Blame the Dutch (mpoetess) wrote,
I Blame the Dutch

Bwahaha... um...

Okay, so Jen wrote:

Based on "Writing a College Paper"
(by -- or at least presented by --Mark Moshe Kay, of the venerable Joke of the Day List)

Writing a FanFic- by Maeyan

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place
with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Read over your last chapter carefully, to make certain you remember your plot.

3. Get some soda pop to help you concentrate.

4. Check to be sure your question, posted to the list that morning,
hasn’t been answered in a way that negates your fic or at least
the main plot point. If there is no response to your question, search
a few sites to be sure your fic is on good ground. If your question
was answered and the list says your fic is impossible, unsubscribe.

5. Go offline, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean,
well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

6. Read over your last chapter again to make absolutely certain you remember everything.

7. You know, you haven't checked your e-mail – they might have replied
directly. You'd better check that now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

9. Listen to one song off your favorite CD and that's it. As soon
as it's over you are going to start that fic.

10. Listen to the other songs.

11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.

12. IM your friend in New Zealand and ask if he's written a new
chapter yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your list-admin,
the failing series, the stupid newbies, the last episode, the latest romance possibility.

13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

14. Read over the last chapter again; roll the words across your
tongue; savor its special flavor.

15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing
something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you are trying to write
a fanfic, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston
of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: a) Pro
Bowler's Tour b) any movie starring Don Ameche.

16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on that fuzzy channel.

17. Go to the Soul_Brother_of_Kung_Fu chatroom. Argue the finer points of the plot.

18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.

19. Look through the files in your fanfiction directory. Open each
one to remember what it was about.

20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future chapters.

21. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious
trench-coated strangers lurking on the porch, preferably with accents, subtitles, or swords.

22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

23. Read over the last chapter one more time, just for the hell of it.

24. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

25. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

And I sent it to Zort, and she wrote:

>>I never do any of this. Ever.
>You, on the other hand.

and I wrote:

"Moi?" she said, looking around as if there might be someone else
in her cubicle to whom James might be referring. The office plant
looked somewhat guiltily at her, and she smiled knowingly. Aha.
"Bad plant! You've been screwing around instead of writing fanfic
again, haven't you. You must be spanked forthwith!"

The office plant shuddered in terror, and turned its big green leaves
towards her, telegraphing , "No! Please! I'm too cute to spank!"
with its every oxygen-laden exhalation.

But the Mad Poetess was wise to its games, and firmly whapped it
on the base of its pot. "There! That'll teach you to doodle and
read other people's livejournals all day. Shame on you!"

ahem. you may now return to your regularly scheduled programme.
Tags: fic-meta, writing
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