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I Blame the Dutch mpoetess
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Inspired by a smut!peeves post of stoney321's, I scanned back through my own and co-written fic to see what my/our guys had used for lube. I couldn't remember being terribly egregious (or adventurous) but it's been a fair long while since I've written an explicit m/m sex scene. (0.o I think the last sex scene that could be even described as vaguely explicit is the het scene in The Waking. I obviously need to write some slashy smut, stat. I'll, um. Get right on that. Yeah.)

Naked: generic commercial lube
A Part of This Complete Breakfast: mentioned but unspecified
Reflections: generic commercial lube
Skelping: Heh. Ghost!Lube! Available from a Morrie's near you.
Vamp In the Hat: generic commercial lube
CG: commercial lube, margerine (vampire recipient, though), commercial lube again, saliva (again, Spike as recipient, and in the context of Spike: by the way, that wasn't a blowjob, it was lube -- *spears self on Xander* Xander: Unngh?) , ice-cream (vampire on the bottom again), commercial lube, pretty-much-nothing (Aus/Spike flashback), melted chocolate (again with the vamp on bottom, and from his POV, though the concept in general could squick some folk, I suppose) Also mentioned but not actually seen onscreen would be the ebil peanut butter (suggested but not used, as the idea squicks Xander) Marmite (because Spike is a sick bastich) and more pretty-much-none in relation to vamp/vamp sex.
Domestic Piranhas: icewater (well, melting popsicle in a heatwave), commercial lube, commercial lube, commercial lube, margerine. (And, er. A carrot.) And offscreen, the DP-ubiquitous boysenberry-ripple ice cream, which salmonella-fearers may feel free to decide was only used on Spike.
Getting Bent: saliva, semen, commercial lube
Paving Stones: commercial lube
Let the Punishment Fit...: None. (Angel on the receiving end, and fairly angry sex, though Wes was being careful.)

Conclusions: Am boring? I have apparently always been paranoid about safe-ish smut scenes. DP contains a hell of a lot more innuendo and a lot less actual sex than people think it does. Reading old solo fic makes me want to apologize, and rewrite it. Need to write more porn. Someday.

PS: I know it's 3:30 in the morning. I headache-slept from 4:30 til 9, though, so I'm just now starting to get sleepyish again.
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2004-12-17 12:32 am (UTC) (Link)

I got a little paranoid about my fic, too, and I haven't written any m/m scenes yet (I went on "cock" patrol) I've decided that upon re-reading, if it doesn't slap me in the face and make me go, "Bwah!", I'm leaving it.

I'm up with major coughing problems. Man. What I wouldn't do for some industrial strength cough meds.


2004-12-17 12:36 am (UTC) (Link)

(I went on "cock" patrol) I've decided that upon re-reading,
if it doesn't slap me in the face and make me go, "Bwah!", I'm leaving

You can tell how late it is and how tail-end-of-headachey dopey I am by how quickly I can find the unintentional innuendo in any statement. Such as being slapped in the face while on cock-patrol... *g*


2004-12-17 12:42 am (UTC) (Link)

::snort:: And how dopey I am to have not picked up on such a good entendrein the first place! Hee.


2004-12-17 02:49 am (UTC) (Link)

But it has very vivid sex. Especially in public against a lightpost.


2004-12-17 06:17 am (UTC) (Link)

Yesss! (That one has no lube, in fact. Then again, it was very vivid fingerfucking, and Xander didn't complain, as I recall.)


2004-12-17 09:49 am (UTC) (Link)

I would respond, but I... may need some alone time.


2004-12-17 09:51 am (UTC) (Link)

Close your eyes and think of alternate Victorian England where vampires rule and Spike is a git.

Ok, that last part doesn't actually require an AU.


2004-12-17 07:30 am (UTC) (Link)

This is why I stay so vague. I have no idea what Victorian-era male prostitutes might have used, I really don't want to research it, so I call it "grease" and don't discuss it again. :)


2004-12-17 09:59 am (UTC) (Link)

Is it sad that now I want to research it? Yes, yes it is. No need to answer. ;)

Geez, where would you even start?


2004-12-17 10:37 am (UTC) (Link)

Victorian-era gay porn? Male prostitute diaries? Victorian slash? ("I expect you to be grateful, Pip," Magwich said, leaning closer with a leer. "*Very* grateful.") The mind boggles...

Re: Geez, where would you even start?


2004-12-17 10:43 am (UTC) (Link)

Heee! Um. I will ask my friends who grew up in the Victorian era. Oh Ja-aaames....


2004-12-17 09:11 am (UTC) (Link)

I am completely terrified to go look at some of the shit me & Josey have used. I mean I know that one of them used honing oil, there was at least one use of just plain old massage oil, which I use a lot, LOL, we're infamous for using blood, saliva, copious amounts of K-Y, vaseline, nothing at all in a couple cases. Man, the things we put those boys through, no wonder they're so snarky, hee.


2004-12-17 09:58 am (UTC) (Link)

I think my favorite "OMG are you fucking kidding?" moment goes to thete1 in Post-Grad, when Xander suggests the grease from a bucket of KFC. (The "OMG are you fucking kidding" comes from Spike, who ends up using hair pomade.)


2004-12-17 06:19 pm (UTC) (Link)

Yeah, that would rank as a OMG moment, lol.

I knew there was a reason I stuck to my OTP, lol. At least when they use the gross stuff it won't KILL them, LOL.

Man, I'm really squicked now, lol.


2004-12-17 06:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

Hee! To be fair to Te, Xander is suicidal (or sort of on-again-off-again suicidal) in Post-Grad, so about the last thing he cares about is whether the lube is sanitary or not. Ironically it's Spike who gets squicked at the idea.


2004-12-17 06:27 pm (UTC) (Link)

No need to defend to me, lol. Some of the things I've stuck up Angel's ass could get me committed in Texas, HEE.

Man, we are all some sick chicks aren't we? LOL.


2004-12-17 06:31 pm (UTC) (Link)

Mmm, buttered carrot. S'all I'm sayin'.