I Blame the Dutch mpoetess
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So on the list of euphemisms for female masturbation in the {somewhat annoying} book I'm reading, we'll just pretend we didn't see "Morking the Mindy1" and go right for the one that's going to keep me up late into the night, giggling and blinking:

Auditioning the finger-puppets.

1It's non-fiction, and the author calls this list "Some of my favorite female-specific terms for the Big M." Though there are a few familiar ones, and a few that aren't but at least make sense as something somebody somewhere might actually say, there's also "Paddling through Poon Lagoon" and "tickling the snail." Aren't you glad the One Eyed Trouser Snake has a friend to play with?
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You had to ask, didn't you.


2005-03-25 05:42 am (UTC) (Link)

It's called The Straight Girl's Guide To Sleeping With Chicks; I was amused by the inherent contradiction in the title and curious about how tongue-in-cheek the phrasing was. Answer: not very; there's some lip-service to "yeah, yeah, labels are pretty floaty and all kinds of people do all kinds of things" at the beginning, but then on we go with continual and non-ironic references like "Another possibility is that eating pussy raises the same fears in women as getting it up the ass does in men. If we like it, are we homos?" Uh... men can get it up the ass from women. Or themselves. It's impossible by definition to not be involved in a homosexual encounter if you're a woman going down on another woman. So if one likes it, there's a hell of a bigger chance that yeah, hon, maybe at least a little? Than there is in the age-old "No butt-stuff; that's gay" for men.

Or we could be the author, who lives in a world where "unless it rocks your world psychologically as well as physically, you're probably just plain old pussy-lovin' horny girl." Um...

Pretty much every page is annoying me, with occasional breaks for WTF-ery.

Re: You had to ask, didn't you.


2005-03-25 05:46 am (UTC) (Link)

My gracious me. So.

Shouldn't it be titled "Book to Inflate the Hopes of Frat Boys Everywhere?"

Re: You had to ask, didn't you.


2005-03-26 06:59 pm (UTC) (Link)


Poor fratboys, if they bother reading it. The illustrations are a combination of bad line drawings, and photographs of Barbies in various positions.

Re: You had to ask, didn't you.


2005-03-26 08:03 pm (UTC) (Link)


Barbie Porn?