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I Blame the Dutch mpoetess
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Jumping on a trend early for once.
But with a twist.

For every 50$ donated to the 'keep MP off the streets so she doesn't have to take that second job as a crackwhore' fund, I will not write a really bad Xander/Spike story. And I mean, I guarantee, they're hideously bad. So horrible that I can't even tell you the basic plot details lest I have to invest in a spork factory just to have the proper wherewithal to help you with that little wanting to destroy your eyeballs problem. But I solemnly aver that I have thousands of them, and for each donation, I will NOT write a completely unique story.

__

Also there will now be a 35$ reading-comprehension fee for any queries about when/if I'm going to update Chocolatey Goodness whose phrasing indicates that the reader has already seen the announcement on my website requesting that people not ask me when/if I'm going to update Chocolatey Goodness. (As for instance "I know your hiatus announcement was dated three years ago; is it still applicable?")

ETA: So, uh. Heh. Guess what? While it was certainly drafted with every intent of "You can stop asking me when it's going to be updated now, yes please?" being implicit in the text, my hiatus note thingy doesn't say anything explicit about not asking me when it's going to be updated. Or didn't, rather. It does now.

*pays self 35$ reading comprehension fee, and makes appointment to be tested for long-term memory loss*

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lildhampir

2005-08-10 04:27 pm (UTC) (Link)

For every donation of 5 bucks to my paypal account, I will post pictures of Raccoons to Swmbo's journal while she is sleeping and unable to protect herself.

mpoetess

2005-08-10 04:37 pm (UTC) (Link)

DUDE. DO NOT TEMPT ME. GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN ASHLYN.

(no subject) - swmbo, 2005-08-10 05:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - eliade, 2005-08-10 06:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - swmbo, 2005-08-10 06:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 07:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - annakovsky, 2005-08-10 08:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - minim_calibre, 2005-08-11 03:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - meghatron, 2005-08-10 10:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lildhampir, 2005-08-10 11:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - minim_calibre, 2005-08-11 03:03 am (UTC) (Expand)

kita0610

2005-08-10 04:40 pm (UTC) (Link)

BUT WILL YOU FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOT MAKE MANIPS OF SPIKE AS A SMALL WINGED CREATURE NAKED IN A FLOWER?? This is what I must know!

thebratqueen

2005-08-10 04:42 pm (UTC) (Link)

For ten bucks I won't write you a story where Angel calls Spike "little one."

(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 05:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - jonquil, 2005-08-10 09:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Childe Wars! - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 09:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Childe Wars! - kita0610, 2005-08-10 09:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kita0610, 2005-08-10 09:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 09:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - ros_fod, 2005-08-10 07:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 07:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - eliade, 2005-08-10 06:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kita0610, 2005-08-10 09:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - eliade, 2005-08-11 12:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - doyle_sb4, 2005-08-10 09:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kita0610, 2005-08-10 09:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 09:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - doyle_sb4, 2005-08-10 09:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kita0610, 2005-08-10 09:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 09:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kita0610, 2005-08-10 09:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 10:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kita0610, 2005-08-10 10:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - minim_calibre, 2005-08-11 03:03 am (UTC) (Expand)

wickedprincess3

2005-08-10 04:46 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm wrong cause there are writers I'd pay not to write? *digs for change*

For ten dollars I promise to um... something illegal but Jesus says it's ok and Jesus pwns copyright law right?

mpoetess

2005-08-10 05:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

If paying some writers not to write is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Say that thee times fast...


*starts with Dean Koontz*

a2zmom

2005-08-10 04:50 pm (UTC) (Link)

I am pleased to announce that you have have won the Soupy Sales 2005 Memorial award.

If you would kindly send ten dollars to the below listed PO Box, I will immediately send out you award, lovingly crafted out of genuine faux marble.

mpoetess

2005-08-10 05:59 pm (UTC) (Link)

Ooooh! I can put it next to my collected volumes of Who's Who In American High School Students and the 15 World of Poetry anthologies I am featured in!

rayne_y_daze

2005-08-10 04:51 pm (UTC) (Link)

For 50 cents, I'll go one week day hour without killing a character...

mpoetess

2005-08-10 06:00 pm (UTC) (Link)

*calls bank to check available account balance*

(no subject) - outsideth3box, 2005-08-10 06:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rayne_y_daze, 2005-08-10 06:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)

djinanna

2005-08-10 04:55 pm (UTC) (Link)

See, the problem is that even "a really bad Xander/Spike story" from Amy is worth that pang of guilt at refusing a charitable donation and knowing you've taken to the streets. It's worth way more than that, even. It's worth, um, chocolate!

Let us not even contemplate the Brinks truck transport worthiness of a good Xander/Spike story from Amy, eh?

And, just to cheer you up in your hour of impending streetwalker-ing, one of the stories on the news last night was supposedly (and I missed the actual story, damnit!) "raccoons invade Chicago". Just fyi.

mpoetess

2005-08-10 06:02 pm (UTC) (Link)


chicken_cem

2005-08-10 05:05 pm (UTC) (Link)

...lest I have to invest in a spork factory...

* snicker *

Those exist? Frankly I've never seen a spork that was metal. They all seem to be plastic, and thus not useful for the eyeball problem. Probably like stabbing an Undead American with a plastic stake.

BTW I adore your icon.

mpoetess

2005-08-10 05:56 pm (UTC) (Link)

You really couldn't goudge out an eyeball with a plastic spork? BUMMER.

(no subject) - laced_more, 2005-08-11 01:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - chicken_cem, 2005-08-11 02:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)

dancetomato

2005-08-10 05:13 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm saving up my $50 bucks, but it's to pay for your, um, services when you do end up on the street.

p.s. When are you going to update "Chocolately Goodness" little one?

mpoetess

2005-08-10 05:56 pm (UTC) (Link)

*AUTOMATICALLY DEBITS YOUR ACCOUNT OMG*

sockkpuppett

2005-08-10 05:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

You know, in my LJ interests, I have "send me 10$." And I really, really mean it, because God told me to put that in there. And if everyone on my FL doesn't send me 10$, not only am I going to DIE, but they're all going straight to hell. And I promise to use the money to make myself comfortable, take about two months off work, watch TV and eat chocolate bonbons all day long. Isn't it wonderful to depend upon the kindness of strangers in order to further my own sick obsessions? sigh. I love this place. People are so gulliblegiving.

Please. Go ahead. Send me 10$. It'll make you all warm and fuzzy inside, you'll sleep better at night, and you'll be keeping me alive AND doing the Lord's work.

mpoetess

2005-08-10 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)

*sends you 10$*

chip_dip

2005-08-10 05:51 pm (UTC) (Link)

Are you ever tempted to make up a 'Bobby Ewing ' type ending for CG just to get folks to piss off and leave you alone?

mpoetess

2005-08-10 05:55 pm (UTC) (Link)

Heeeee.

I have been known to do that in LJ-based roleplaying games -- make a comment like "And THEN THEY ALL DIED!" then quickly delete it, so the person I'm playing with gets that in their e-mail, but no one else can see it.

(no subject) - shadowlongknife, 2005-08-10 07:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 07:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Slander! - zortified, 2005-08-10 07:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Slander! - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 07:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)

winterlive

2005-08-10 06:06 pm (UTC) (Link)

I LOVE YOU. *cries with laughter*

mpoetess

2005-08-10 07:02 pm (UTC) (Link)

WHERE IS MAH MONEY BITCH?

(no subject) - winterlive, 2005-08-10 07:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 07:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)

outsideth3box

2005-08-10 06:09 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm sending a check.

Don't worry about the crinkles, or the big letters V O I D across the middle, it'll be fine, really.

mpoetess

2005-08-10 07:02 pm (UTC) (Link)

Ooh!

*dances*

nasty_shrew

2005-08-10 06:59 pm (UTC) (Link)

For every really bad story you don't write, I'll stop writing tortured/broken/bent/slightlyirked Xander for a whole day.

Seriously, liek, woah.

*panics at the prospect*.

mpoetess

2005-08-10 07:02 pm (UTC) (Link)

But.... I like your Xander.


Does this mean I have to write badfic?

(no subject) - nasty_shrew, 2005-08-10 07:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 07:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - nasty_shrew, 2005-08-10 07:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)

zortified

2005-08-10 07:29 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oo, you're writing more Chocolatey Goodness? Excellent!

mpoetess

2005-08-10 07:36 pm (UTC) (Link)

*Adds that 35$ to your tab*

(no subject) - zortified, 2005-08-10 07:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 08:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - zortified, 2005-08-10 08:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mpoetess, 2005-08-10 08:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)

kahlannightwing

2005-08-10 07:33 pm (UTC) (Link)

Can I send you 100$ to update it? ^____^

mpoetess

2005-08-10 07:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

Nope!

(no subject) - kahlannightwing, 2005-08-10 07:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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