I Blame the Dutch (mpoetess) wrote,
I Blame the Dutch

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Sure, why the hell not.

Original character meme. Gacked from roseveare: the introductory sentences/paragraphs for each original character of any importance to a story that I've written into fanfic. For once, I did the co-written ones too. They're not in chronological order; they're ... in the order they appear on my fic index page, actually, which is alpha by story title.

Riley's mother - Into the Jungle, with zortified {Not Mrs. Finn; it's a weird-ass dark AU-ish thing}

Something in his [Riley's] voice made Spike frown. Something of his mother's, maybe? He couldn't see her face anymore, but was there the barest hint of her voice in his own? The one that used to sing 'La Trois Cerises' as she hung out clothes to dry? She'd been sorting them by the fire that night. Them smelling of sun and pine and whatever had blown across them in the afternoon wind, and then it was night, and the door had opened....

Etienne LeGrande - Midnight Run, with zortified

He was leaning back against a dark wood bar and watching. That was all, just watching. Nothing suspicious, not attacking his patrons, not polishing the floors with blood. Just watching. After a moment, he'd looked up at Angel, and raised his drink in invitation.

Gina Iaconetti - Sealed With A Kiss

This isn't the first love letter Faith's ever sent to a girl. That one would be Gina Iaconetti's. Second grade. Long sproingy blonde curls and millions of perfectly straight pleats ironed into those clean crisp skirts that would fan out like an umbrella when she twirled around. Faith wanted... something, from her. To be the one who traded peanut butter and celery sandwiches with her at lunch and got friendship braids woven into her hair at recess by little white fingers with pearl-pink nailpolish on the tips. To sit next to her in class every day and kick the back of her seat and giggle together whenever Mrs. Kerry said something silly. Other things, too, things she didn't have words or even pictures in her head for, just wanted.

Poddy - Skelping

Poddy had O.D.'d on freon, of all things, in the early nineties, and was forever a high school senior, hanging around the Red Key Tavern trying to pick up dead girls who wouldn't give him the time of day. Like Doyle, he couldn't touch anything, but he could be heard -- only when he sang. Crappy Seattle grunge stuff that had the human patrons edging away from the empty seat at the bar, and the psychic bartender always this close to chucking Poddy out whenever he pulled that shit. Sure, he was a kid, but you had to grow up sometime, right?

Caroline - Skelping

Caroline... Oh, she was a little hottie, long red hair down to her arse, blue eyes, five foot nothing and well-packed with it into black leather and white lace peeking out the top. She, of course, as Doyle's hard-luck unlife would have it, couldn't even touch other ghosts, but she had a throaty whiskey laugh and could twist a man or a woman around her little finger without ever once making metaphysical contact. He'd heard of women, and the occasional man, who could literally fuck you with their voices, with their eyes, and if that was possible, Doyle had been happily taken by Caroline Davis at least ten times at last count.

The horse chestnut tree - The Waking

When he was eight years old, he carved his name into her skin with a penknife. She was green and wet with spring, and the cut burned deep, bled clear. When she'd finished screaming, she thought, 'So this is love, then.'

The working girl - Working Girl {Which, yes, is a drabble, but the whole point is the OC}

He knew what she was when she slithered onto the barstool, bare knee brushing his jeans. Didn't have the heart to laugh, or maybe too tired, work-dirt dark beneath his nails. Even paid for her beer.

"You ever..." she led, then sighed. Deep, like she was just worn-out. "Wish things were different? Like, you could..."

Marianne {the waitress at the haunted diner} - Chocolatey Goodness

"What can I get you boys?" said a low female voice, with an accent almost as country as the one currently playing over the radio. What, did they just ship these women in from Alabama whenever they needed a new one? The waitress had been almost the same the other time Xander had been here: pretty, in an early-middle-aged way, with dyed reddish-orange hair combed up on top of her head, chewing gum in her mouth, and a friendly smile. This one's nametag read "Marianne," and it had a little bell hanging off the bottom of it, with the words "I'm just a Ding-A-Ling," printed in tiny letters below her name.

Charlie, Jesha, and Weido {the demon brothers-and-sister trucking team}- Chocolatey Goodness

"I should eat the pie now, right?" Spike asked no one in particular, trying to maintain a grip on reality that he'd never really been that certain of in the first place. As Marianne turned her attention back to him, the door opened, and three tall figures in leather jackets entered. Nice leather jackets-- nothing that would give Spike's duster a case of cowhide-envy, but not bad.

Of course, more important in Spike's view was the fact that they were Kaillif demons. He raised an eyebrow when they slid into the booth behind Xander, one male and one female facing Spike, the other male back to back with Xander. The boy was a little green about the gills at the sight of the three demons, who had symmetrical horns protruding from their faces and necks, and looked like serious hardcases. They were. Kaillif demons tended to work the shady side of the shadows: bonebreakers, loan sharks, killers for hire. The most legit job Spike had ever seen a Kaillif in was bouncer at a demon club in Queens. Great, and Xander was closer to them if anything broke out. Spike would have to dive across the table...

"Hey, Mari-girl!" The male facing Spike called out to the waitress, and she tapped the table in front of Spike.

"Yeah, you should eat the pie, sweets. It's good pie." She walked over to the other booth, pulling out her order pad. "How do, Charlie, Jesha. Weido--hey, how's the missus?"

"Fine, big as a Fyarl. We're lookin' at seventeen, this time. Gotta get a bigger cave."

From the corner table, the taller trucker called over, "If you'd spend more time on the road and less with Mandy, you'd have a hell of a lot more money, and you wouldn't be drownin' in spawn, Wei!"

Kenny and Dwayne (the gay-bashing chaos demons)- Chocolatey Goodness

Redneck Chaos Demons? The slimy, mucus-dripping gits were bad enough when they just hung about and played gigolo to lonely, looney vamp girls. At least those guys, and Dru had flirted with more than one, had bought their clothes at Leisure-Suit Larry's Tacky Demon Togs R' Us. These two! Flannel shirts open over sleeveless white vests, jeans stretched across the beginnings of beer bellies, and one of 'em was even wearing a baseball cap, perched between his antlers. Only this hat didn't advertise the home team-- it bore a single silver 'S' on the front, with a scaly green fist behind it. The bloody Scourge.

Rei - Chocolatey Goodness {Technically, Rei comes in as a bystander in an earlier scene, but this is the first one where she's identifiable as herself.}

The doors opened. Outside stood somebody who made Weido's sister Jesha look like a fluffy bunny.

"Supaiku..." the Asian woman hissed with a sound like the rain that was still falling outside, that battered steadily against the window at the end of the hall, and Spike cursed. Low, but Xander could still hear it.

Susie Ling - Getting Bent

"You gonna leave it this time, Xander?" The sardonic voice came from the short, plump Asian woman who stood behind the counter on a tall step-stool, a broad, knowing smile on her face.

"Nah, not today, Susie," he said, as they'd both known he would. He grinned back at her, and reached over the counter to grab the sports bag he'd stashed there when he came in that morning. He almost fumbled and let it drop on the floor when he remembered what was in it, but he managed a save that would have made the Sunnydale football team proud. Until they opened it and looked inside, then they would have beaten the crap out of him. "Maybe on Monday," he added out of habit, unfolding the duster.

"Yeah, sure, and maybe monkeys'll fly out my ass," Susie replied, straightfaced.

Ying Hao - Getting Bent

"Grandmother!" came the expected complaint from the man at the cash register. If Susie Ling was eighty-five going on twenty, her grandson Ying Hao was thirty-three going on older-than-Angel. His instructions on how to operate the clothes-press and fold things just so and which liquids not to mix with which others were pronounced with such deeply reverent mysticism that Xander always expected him to add, "And remember, never get Mogwai wet, and never ever feed them after midnight."

Goober, Gomer, and Hubert - Domestic Piranhas with zortified

Spike shifted, pushing his zipper towards Xander's questing fingers as he said blithely, "I think we ought to be looking for a place with more room. For the children."

"Or we could just buy 'em a bigger tank, Spike." Xander tugged at the stubborn bit of metal, acutely aware that there was now a broom handle poking him in the side. At least he hoped it was a broom handle. "And a new bubbly diver. They ate him again. Why couldn't you buy goldfish, like I asked?"

Spike muttered something Xander couldn't quite make out.

"If you just said 'The piranha were cheaper,' you're a lying bastard," Xander commented.

Marc {Sir Not Yet Appearing In This Film But Gets Frequently Mentioned - the skeezy pole dancer Spike had sex with when he and Xander hadn't yet got back together in L.A.} - Domestic Piranhas with zortified

"Have you *ever* seen me look twice at a blonde, professional or otherwise?"

"Four or five. Buffy, Harmony, Clarice, Marc...."

"Marc wasn't a real blond," Spike pointed out, before deciding that was probably not the most politic of replies.

Morrie - Domestic Piranhas with zortified

"Hey, that was beautiful, you guys," squeaked the large rubber duck standing just behind Angel. Wesley blinked repeatedly. The figure of the large rubber duck finally resolved itself into a large rubber duck. He wasn't losing his eyesight; he'd just had his prescription updated last month. Perhaps it was just his mind that he'd lost. That was certainly more likely. Angel loosened his hold enough to turn around, and Wesley saw him smile.

"Hey, Morrie."

Rufu {the temperamental stripper at Xander and Spike's bachelor party} - Domestic Piranhas with zortified

"Wrgu afur edkd slkgie!" was being shouted from behind the door. The Host rolled his eyes. Stage fright? Ridiculous.

The Host knocked on the door and called out cheerfully, "Hello? Are we having a fit or can I just get you another bottle of paint thinner?"

Two of the dancer's four eyes turned to him. "Humans! No one said anything about humans in the audience!" Rufu folded two of his arms in front of himself. "I *won't* perform for humans, I won't and that's final!"

Grandma and Grandpa LaVelle - Domestic Piranhas with zortified

The scene ended, and was replaced by an elderly couple sitting on a couch, looking at the camera. They both smiled, and the woman said, "I hope you don't mind, we gave that lovely young woman the movie to copy."

The man gave a half-laugh, and said, "Be glad we didn't give her the one with you and that diaper."

The woman whapped his arm, and shushed him, before smiling at the camera again. "Have a nice time, boys!

Carla {Xander's secretary} - Domestic Piranhas with zortified

"You need help beating up his folks?" Larry was asking Rupert. "I'm a bit outta practice, but I can probably take his mom. She doesn't look too tough."

Rupert blinked at him, and blinked again when he saw where Larry was looking. "That's not Xander's mother, it's Carla, Xander's administrative assistant. And no, you could *not* take her."

"Hell, Xander can't even take her," Spike put in. "She makes him eat brussels sprouts with lunch when he's in the office."

Darcy and Fairfax - {The vampires from the House of Lords in AU Victorian Vamp Honeymoon World - who think DP Spike is alt-Spike, here} Domestic Piranhas with zortified

"Spike, old boy. So...pleased...that you decided to join us."

Spike didn't think he sounded especially pleased, but there was nothing specific that he could point out in the man's demeanor, to prove it. He cocked his head and studied the specimen before him for a second or two. Well-turned out, carefully-coifed brown hair that could give Angel a run for his money in the fussiness department. Neatly trimmed mustache, and a look of cultivated boredom that brought back such a stab of familiarity that Spike wondered, for a moment, if he'd actually known this man -- or rather his counterpart -- when he was alive. After another second, he concluded that he hadn't -- it was just a type. Young, rich, following in Lord Daddy's footsteps, and dreadfully full of himself.

"He even dressed up for the occasion -- we are honoured," said another vampire, coming up behind the first. The newcomer was cut from the same cloth, though he had blond hair and a nasty overbite in his human teeth.

Adelaide Witherspoon {Spike's (AU) Mum, and yes, this was written pre-LMPTM} - Domestic Piranhas with zortified

It was when the woman stood up, saying, "Thank you, dearie," that he froze. She turned to look at him, and it had honestly taken that long for it to hit Spike, though he'd recognised the walk, the plump, middle-aged shape. His mother. Alive. Staring at him with eyes that he thought he'd forgotten, but now could see clear as day in his memory, looking at him from the front step as he walked away.

That same small smile asking him if he'd remembered to wear clean knickers, because he didn't want to get hit by a carriage on his way to the party and be found with dirty underwear when they dragged him to hospital, did he? Shocked, he'd scolded, "Mother!" and she'd just laughed...

{I've skipped the DP versions of Xander's and Wesley's parents, since despite having different names, etc. due to being written before they actually appeared onscreen, they were basically meant to go along with what we extrapolated about the canon characters.}

Colin - Price of Wisdom (Harry Potter fandom) with zortified

The walk was brisk, the air cool and wet with spring, and the man at the door smiled in welcome. Most of his wizard acquaintances, Percy supposed, would have done more than lift an eyebrow at this particular Muggle; they would have walked swiftly in the other direction, turned round the nearest blind corner, and Apparated at least five miles away. Colin was over six feet tall, seemed half as wide, and the smile on his face could curdle milk faster than a disgruntled brownie. Had Colin been on the door the first night Percy had ever contemplated walking in, he'd no doubt that he too would have been five miles away within seconds of seeing the man, blinking at his good fortune in escaping.

Livi - Price of Wisdom (Harry Potter fandom) with zortified

Livi, however, came over and took his arm, grinning widely.

"Percy! Just in time. Look, love, I've got to get someone's opinion who has a modicum of taste, and you know it isn't Harold, and dear Devon's trying but he keeps saying the red one and I know the red one isn't tight enough."

Heloise Bagnold - Price of Wisdom (Harry Potter fandom) with zortified

At least it was his own name, and the voice was that of the officemate whom he least disliked. Heloise Bagnold, a witch who more often than not caused more problems than she solved when she tried to help him file reports, but at least she was aware of it, and didn't try to pass her mistakes off as his incompetence, as certain others had been known to do. She would cheerfully admit whatever error she'd made, and do her best to fix it; that didn't bother him. Much. It was the fact that she was equally cheerful when informing him of the daily impending catastrophe. Or possibly Impending Catastrophe. It happened so often that it deserved an official title.

Mags {She's mentioned much earlier, but this is the first time she actually appears 'onscreen'.} - Price of Wisdom (Harry Potter fandom) with zortified

It took everything Percy had, to walk in the door. To pass Colin, with his friendly greeting and his concerned queries after Percy's health, and be able to respond with a weak smile and the assurance that no, he wasn't planning to work when he wasn't feeling well, he just needed to talk to Mags. He made it inside without seeing anyone else, and went directly to the small, horribly untidy room that she called her office and the rest of the staff called, "Mags's Haystack" because she was the only one able to find the proverbial needle, or last month's laundry receipt, in all the jumble. Percy kept threatening to rearrange it for her, and she always swore that if he did, she'd tell Colin that Percy had a crush on him. Which was utterly untrue. Mostly.

Mags was holding her glasses in one hand, and rubbing at her eyes with the other. When Percy entered, she looked up. "Percy? What're you doing here? I thought you were ill."

Tags: fic-meta, memes
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