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I Blame the Dutch mpoetess
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At a loss here, but - fannish sadness and a PSA


I wasn't sure what to believe when this comment about tenebraeli was left on my most recent public post; the person it's about and the person who left it have had issues in the past that made me wonder if it wasn't a rather sick prank, especially since there was a mostly positive entry in Olwen's journal for the date in question. I still have some questions about the phrasing and details in the comment, because that's not how the situation between them rested as I understood it from Olwen herself.

I would've been much more pleased to discover that it was a prank, though, than to find an obituary in the Monterey Herald, but sadly, there is one. Unless that isn't genuine, Olwen has passed away. No details were given beyond what you can read in the links there, and I have none.

The PSA part is this: if the comment about Olwen's computer is accurate, and assuming it does offer access to her LJ either because the password is stored on it or because she left it logged in, those who have her friended and/or on sensitive filters might want to change that, if you don't want people who are not Olwen to have access to your locked posts.

ETA: Some additional information from brangwy, which seems to confirm what I'm sure a lot of us were thinking.

ETA2: Also, there's a guestbook on the obituary, for those who wish to leave personal messages.


wesleysgirl

2006-10-16 05:26 pm (UTC) (Link)

I can't imagine anyone who knew her through her LJ wouldn't have made that assumption, honestly. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to think, considering. *Hugs you* And yet I'm still stunned.

kita0610

2006-10-16 05:30 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm stunned too, which is weird considering.

Apparently, it was indeed suicide. And I can't help wonder if she really meant to go through with it, or was hoping to get found in time.

*hugs you back*

wesleysgirl

2006-10-16 05:40 pm (UTC) (Link)

Maybe some people will think I'm awful for saying so, but I hope that she meant to go through with it and that she's at peace now. I want to be relieved for her, because she was in so much pain for so long and it makes me feel better to think she's not in pain anymore.

I had defriended her for a period of time because it was so painful for me, personally, to watch her suffer.

*More hugs*

kita0610

2006-10-16 05:42 pm (UTC) (Link)

*head on shoulder*

I...yea, same here. All of it.

minim_calibre

2006-10-16 06:17 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh, hon, you don't sound awful at all. *hugs you tight*

It hurt to see her suffer, and to be unable to do anything.

thebratqueen

2006-10-16 06:48 pm (UTC) (Link)

No, I'm there with you. Not to be all PSA about this but Olwen really was a perfect example of how mental illness *is* illness. To me her depression was as life-threatening as letting cancer go untreated.

I've got other thoughts here but I'm too flu-addled to express them clearly.

mpoetess

2006-10-16 06:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

Right there with you. Watching Olwen go through cycles of depression without enough/the right treatment (and stay in a personal situation that clearly didn't help things, no matter whether anyone was at fault or not) was ... actually pretty much like watching my mother, since she always, always decides she doesn't need her medication when not monitored, and ends up in situations that would eventually be threatening to her life as well. And it's harder with depression, with something that can disguise itself as a genuine emotion or mood that the victim can't tell is the illness talking and not just a legitimate reaction to whatever's going on in their life.

thebratqueen

2006-10-16 07:00 pm (UTC) (Link)

Yes. What you said. Only more coherently than I could put it right now.

light_emerges

2006-10-17 02:13 am (UTC) (Link)

To all who can see this and mpoetess I hope it's alright to post this here.

I understand why some of you had a difficult time believing me because of the last argument we had. What wasn't discussed is that her and I resolved our differences not that long ago and I have already read all the posts that were written about me. I'm not angry or hurt because when her and I argued, we REALLY argued. And of course her friends want to be on her side just like my flist were on mine.

The message I left on your LJ's were 2 minutes after I found out. Because the police took all the computers, Steve and Cody couldn't reach me. Steve drove by my house yesterday, recognized my car and left a note.

I called him to verify, got dressed, left the messages and went over to his place.

Her sister Jenny, Jessica, Violet and myself spent nine hours going through her room today. Packing stuff up for Goodwill, taking things for ourselves and letting Steve choose what he wanted.

Yes, she died of suicide and Steve told me how but today I received a different answer from her sister Jenny. There are a few things that don't quite add up and things are becoming a little more bizarre.

A note was left but has not been released, not even to Steve. I was called by the Monterey Police Dept today. I was asked to come in tomorrow to answer questions about her home life.

I'm very scared because, well, I was around when some not so pleasant stuff happened. I will be very frank with you. I will tell the truth and unfortunately that may cause some problems for Steve.

Deep inside I'm very angry with her. We had a pact when it came to suicide. We were both sick and spoke of it often. If she had to be hospitalized, I would act crazy and get checked in with her. I told her that I would be a surrogate for her and Steve because she all of a sudden wanted a child. Looking back, that should have been a warning. Olwen and I despised the idea of being tied down with kids.

Goddess there is so much more but I have spammed your LJ enough. I apologize. I will write my thoughts in my own Lj but am keeping every thing about her public.

There are two people, you mpoetess and you Eleanor (brawngy) that I especially want to address. Olwen loved you both extremely. You weren't just Lj friends to her. You were "real." I thought you should know.

thebratqueen

2006-10-17 02:18 am (UTC) (Link)

Thank you for keeping us posted.

(no subject) - light_emerges, 2006-10-17 02:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thebratqueen, 2006-10-17 03:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - light_emerges, 2006-10-17 06:08 am (UTC) (Expand)

mpoetess

2006-10-17 02:22 am (UTC) (Link)

You are very welcome to post here, and we're all thankful for being told what's happened/happening.

(no subject) - light_emerges, 2006-10-17 05:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thebratqueen, 2006-10-17 11:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - light_emerges, 2006-10-18 03:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - light_emerges, 2006-10-18 03:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thebratqueen, 2006-10-18 03:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - thebratqueen, 2006-10-18 04:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - light_emerges, 2006-10-18 04:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thebratqueen, 2006-10-18 04:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - light_emerges, 2006-10-17 06:00 am (UTC) (Expand)

starbrow

2006-10-17 05:44 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thanks for this, it helps to know some more of the details. Olwen was a beautiful, kind, good person, and she suffered far more than anyone deserves.

I wish I could have met her -- I will never cease being sad that I didn't get the chance (we were meant to go out to California in August and couldn't). Sometimes she made me upset and frustrated, but it was only because I cared so much and hated to see the pain she was in.

The world is just that bit darker, sadder, without her.

(no subject) - light_emerges, 2006-10-18 03:36 am (UTC) (Expand)

journalkitten

2006-10-17 02:05 am (UTC) (Link)

God. Me as well, and I'm feeling awful about it, but...yeah.

*hugs*

rubywisp

2006-10-17 08:45 am (UTC) (Link)

Me too, to all of it. I hope she found what she was looking for. She deserved that much at the very least.

*hugs*

starbrow

2006-10-17 05:50 pm (UTC) (Link)

I feel the same way. I'm sad for us, the ones left behind, and for the world, which is just that little bit less bright now.

It was hard -- it was so hard -- to see her pain. I did the same as you at one point and took her off my friends list, but never out of my thoughts.