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I Blame the Dutch mpoetess
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At a loss here, but - fannish sadness and a PSA


I wasn't sure what to believe when this comment about tenebraeli was left on my most recent public post; the person it's about and the person who left it have had issues in the past that made me wonder if it wasn't a rather sick prank, especially since there was a mostly positive entry in Olwen's journal for the date in question. I still have some questions about the phrasing and details in the comment, because that's not how the situation between them rested as I understood it from Olwen herself.

I would've been much more pleased to discover that it was a prank, though, than to find an obituary in the Monterey Herald, but sadly, there is one. Unless that isn't genuine, Olwen has passed away. No details were given beyond what you can read in the links there, and I have none.

The PSA part is this: if the comment about Olwen's computer is accurate, and assuming it does offer access to her LJ either because the password is stored on it or because she left it logged in, those who have her friended and/or on sensitive filters might want to change that, if you don't want people who are not Olwen to have access to your locked posts.

ETA: Some additional information from brangwy, which seems to confirm what I'm sure a lot of us were thinking.

ETA2: Also, there's a guestbook on the obituary, for those who wish to leave personal messages.


thebratqueen

2006-10-18 03:39 am (UTC) (Link)

By all means feel free to email me (thebratqueen at livejournal dot com). I promise I won't repeat anything publically. At this point I feel it's like - I dunno - the end of her story deserves to be known? If that makes any sense? I feel like so much of Olwen's life was unfortunately about how she slipped through the cracks, and now that all we've got left is her death I don't want that to slip either.

I wouldn't be surprised if the duct tape story isn't true, though. Based on what you were told in terms of the taping I don't think it's physically possible for somebody to bind themselves up like that.

God. Poor Olwen.

light_emerges

2006-10-18 03:56 am (UTC) (Link)

I will be honest and tell you that some of her entries were exaggerated. She felt very alone and needed a lot of attention. This is horrible to say but Steve and I would sometimes call her a "drama queen." There were many times where I couldn't speak to her because I was tired of all the drama. She made things harder on herself but it was, I think, she was comfortable being a victim. Her life was a shitty one but she did have many opportunities to change it. If you wish, I will name ALL of them.

I'm sorry. I'm still angry that she left me behind. When I was suicidal she kept me going by telling stories of how if we just lived through this hell we would be rewarded in the end by a Goddess we both believed in. She didn't do her part.

I won't let, or try my hardest to make sure that nothing slips. I will eventually forgive her and I DO love her but I want to get to the bottom of ALL of this. I shall email you. Thank you for the address.

thebratqueen

2006-10-18 04:03 am (UTC) (Link)

No, I get that. I once knew someone IRL who had mental illness in a manner not unlike Olwen, and I got used to what came to be known as the "[friendsname] reality coefficient." Which wasn't to say that this friend didn't have problems in her life, but when she was the one telling you about them you started to get a spidey sense for when she was relating a real event and for when she was relating an event as she perceived it.

Though I didn't get to meet Olwen in person, after a while my spidey sense would tingle with some of her stories. But ultimately I think that's just more to show how sick she was, and how much help she needed. Regardless of how much of what she said was real, *she* felt it to be real and yet couldn't or wouldn't take steps to correct it. (I know she had a therapist and tried to leave Steve, but unfortunately we know how the story ends on both of those counts.)

So to me that's all part and parcel of feeling like she slipped through the cracks. But all this ties in to my feelings about mental illness in general, and the lack of care and respect it receives in this country, and I'm probably babbling and not too coherent due to this infection I've got so my apologies for that again.

light_emerges

2006-10-18 04:10 am (UTC) (Link)

I hope you don't mind, I'd like to friend you. You DO NOT have to friend me back. I know you don't know me that well but I feel that you truly understand a lot of this and I think my LJ is probably more appropriate.

thebratqueen

2006-10-18 04:13 am (UTC) (Link)

Go right ahead, I don't mind at all.