Feeling vaguely better about next week's Buffy ep.
is Dori's Spikefeed for it.
Now, granted, it's written from the POV of a redemptionist (which I still maintain that I'm not, exactly) and a B/S shipper (which I am most assuredly not) and it definitely fills in motivations based on what that particular viewer wants to see in it. But based on the way it's described (in much more detail than Leoff's wildfeed, because he's big on still letting you enjoy the show, while Dori is just skimming for Spike parts) I'm a little more comfortable with the scene being more like what I was expecting. Still harsh, still disturbing, but much more immediate remorse on Spike's part, and shock when he realizes what almost happened, than I got from the general ep wildfeed.
Thought, for self, and maybe to clarify my position on where I fall on the evil-Spike spectrum: I don't mind him being sincerely, severely fucked up. I think they *all* are; he's just the most concrete, loud, obvious example of it.
I just don't think we're dealing with Jess' hungry psychopath, quite. That's what Spike would like to believe he is, but I don't buy that he's *ever* been that. From someone who knows a few diagnosed psychotics, Spike isn't. It's a real world analogy that doesn't quite fit what he is. He's a creature in between worlds, not knowing which one he's ever going to be able to exist in. Which is, as I said, severely fucked up. Dangerous, I'll agree. But dangerous doesn't always equal untrustworthy, depending on who you are to him.
I just don't think "fucked up" always has to equal eternal gloom and darkness. Or even eternal bloody rage. I know quite a few people who fall easily into the fucked up category, self included. Different level of fucked up, granted, from "I'm designed to kill for food and fun, but I've been shoved into a life where that isn't possible, and an emotional situation where the person I love doesn't want me to even *want* to do that anymore, and I'm not entirely capable of doing that, and oh by the way, she doesn't love me and tells me constantly that I can't *ever* change."
Hrrm, as I say. That's just a brief thought on it. A psychological thought, not a moral one; I'm so done with trying to argue/discuss/cuss/suss the general morality of spike -- or most of the BtvS characters. Because they really are *all* fucked up, and I'm tired of defending one to one person, and one to another, and bleh. Pissed at them, I am. Pissed at some of the storytelling choices (though not nearly as WTF????? as I am at the Angel Podverse) and pissed (as I'm meant to be) at the characters, but I still love 'em. Even Spike.